You did it, one week down and we are on to week 2!
As overeaters, we often obsess about what other women are doing, how other women look, and especially what other women eat.
You go out for breakfast with Skinny Friend who orders eggs and says sure to toast, hash browns and a side of pancakes. What the what!?? How is she eating that? Life isn’t fair, this body isn’t fair. Then, just like that, you give up on the commitment you’ve made to yourself. After all, if Skinny Friend can have carbs with a side of carbs, then, darn it, you can too. You leave breakfast feeling bloated and beating yourself up for carrying extra weight ,wondering why Skinny Friend got so lucky and why you just…suck at life.
Stop Comparing and Despairing!
This is called being stuck in compare and despair mode; we compare ourselves to another and despair at our own crappy selves. We compare everything from how we eat, to how we dress, to how we parent, to the size of our waists. Here’s something I know for sure about being in compare and despair mode. It sucks. The big kind of sucks.
Are you playing the comparing game? Who do you compare yourself to the most?
When we compare ourselves to the “perfect life” of Skinny Friend, we are only comparing our internal reality to their assumed external reality. We despair at our less than perfect life, our bellies, our thighs, that freckle on our nose, and the body we’ve been given. We waste precious time and brain power day dreaming about how perfect life would be if we just looked like someone else, more like Skinny Friend.
Who’s business are you in? Byron Katie has a wonderfully clean and simple approach to this idea and it’s a tool I want each and every one of you to implement into your every day life. It will change the way you think about that Skinny Friend in your life and help you to refocus on what truly matters in YOUR life.
There are only three types of business:
Let me illustrate with a current coaching client, Susan.
Last year, Susan left a well-paying corporate job to decrease her stress and to be more available for her young family. These days she works as a part-time fitness instructor, a job that works for her life right now, which she enjoys. We were discussing how when she drops her kids off at school she assumes the other moms are judging her for ending the corporate climb, she feels embarrassed when she compares herself to Optometrist Mom she sees rushing off to her practice each morning. Susan assumed that Optometrist Mom thought very little of her “just” being a fitness instructor.
When I asked Susan how she knew what Optometrist Mom was thinking for sure, she said she did not know. Naturally, I asked how she acted when she thought that thought, which may not even be true. The feelings, actions and results of that thought were subpar. Crappy thoughts = crappy results.
Let’s Apply Our Tool-
What Susan thinks about her current job choice is Susan’s business. What Optometrist Mom thinks about Susan’s current career choice is Optometrist Mom’s business. If a thunderstorm strikes and closes down the gym that Susan works in, that’s God’s business. Susan doesn’t know for sure what Optometrist Mom was thinking about her, or even if she thought anything at all. Her assumptions caused her to be embarrassed and anxiety ridden, as crappy thoughts tend to do. The more we can learn to stay in our own business, the more peaceful our lives, and particularly our minds will be.
You can no more control what people think of you than I can control the fact that I have size 8 feet. You can, however, learn to control your own thoughts and keep yourself in your own business.
Your challenge this week:
Say goodbye to compare and despair mode. The next time you assume you know what someone else thinks of you, stop to consider who’s business you’re in: is it yours, theirs or God’s? The more you can stay in your own business, the more peace you will have.
Staying in your own business will likely lead to you eating less the next time you go out with Skinny Friend. Focus on your own body and how you want to feel after a meal, consider only what works for you. Let what everyone else thinks about and chooses to eat be their business, and if God strikes down your gym, let that be His.
I named my business Flourish Into You, not Flourish Into Skinny Friend for good reason. My highest intention with my work is to help women become more of themselves, accept who they’re made to be and then Flourish into their OWN highest potential. That means staying in your OWN business, starting where you are TODAY, whatever weight you’re at, however much you want to lose.
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